


drunken Sidney

by AmandaBecker



Series: What if? [18]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22116142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: What if ....not Babington and Crow found Sidney drunk in the Inn?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: What if? [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544161
Comments: 58
Kudos: 147





	1. Pulsating pain

**Author's Note:**

> After all the (sexual) tension, love, and kissing and misunderstandings.... I thought I'd do something fun in a new  
> 'What if'...  
> It's far from subtle, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.

From the pulsating pain in his head he fought his way back to reality. He lay on a hard surface, it was the table where he had been drinking with Babington and Crow last night. But he did not blame them for his condition. It was her.  
This small, adorable, all questioning, all confusing, incredibly enchanting, bewitching...creature. Miss Charlotte Heywood.

Oh, how she penetrated all his thinking! For weeks, and now this. He just couldn't get her out of his mind. But yesterday he finally did it because he was so angry with Tom. Tom and his constant nagging. Criticizing and pulling at him. More, more, more.

To clear his head, he had gone swimming and unfortunately he had thought of her again. Sidney was so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed someone standing on the shore. And it wasn't just anybody, it was her. 

She had seen him. In all his ... glory. He wasn't such a conceited bastard, but he'd looked at himself in the mirror often enough to know that he was......good-looking. The ladies to whom he had paid...attention had all been satisfied. Well, except for one.

Miss Heywood was not pleased to see him. That's what she told him right after he hinted she'd ambushed him. He wanted to provoke her. He wanted her to turn back to him. But she didn't. She was trembling all over, had clenched her hands into fists at her side, and in the end she had run away.  
Of course, that had never happened to him before.

Obviously, he knew that she had been shocked. She had most likely never seen a naked man before, let alone one so close, or someone who had been so rude to her. When he saw her running away, he regretted not having a better relationship with her. The encounter would have been much more....interesting.

With mixed feelings, whether he should apologize or keep quiet about it, he went back to his friends. They were already sitting in the guest room and had already the second bottle when he arrived. Sidney was still intoxicated, not only by the alcohol from the afternoon, but by the images in his head that Charlotte Heywood conjured up in him. When his friends went over to the whiskey it didn't take long before he told them about the incident down at the cove. Of course, it was a free ticket for them to mocking him down.

"Ha, little Miss Heywood is afraid of your best friend!" Crow laughed,  
"why, had he already thought of her?" he had to wipe the tears from his eyes, so violently he laughed at his own joke.

Babington was more compassionate and a little more subtle,  
"It must have been a shock for her, she'd probably never seen a naked man before."  
"And then him," cried Crow, who could barely hold his back straight,  
"whoever she ever sees naked, she will gonna be disappointed." 

That made even Sidney blush and Babington hit Crow in the arm,  
"Crow, keep it quit. Think of her reputation."  
"Oh, yeah." Crow burped, but couldn't help himself to the next line,  
"you must marry her, she is ruined for all of us."

Crow and Babington laughed their heads off. Literally, because when they had calmed down, they sank exhausted into their chairs.

Oh good lord! Sidney thought, why had he told them?  
He was ashamed and drank the next bottle almost entirely alone. With more talk about his...manliness, his rude nature and his effect on women in general, the men came up with the idea of asking the young lady herself for her opinion on the subject. 

Sidney could only hope that it was meant as a joke, but Crow played the thought and the conversation over and over again until he came to the conclusion that he would rather not be present at the conversation.

"I would probably either die of laughter or die of embarrassment like she did," he said, suddenly appearing terribly sober. Crow got up and staggered out the door without saying good night to his friends. 

Babington tried to persuade Sidney that it was best to ignore the matter and Miss Heywood and return to London until the matter was settled.  
"Come, let's go to bed."  
But Sidney had not had enough. He wanted to stay a little longer, he just couldn't understand why he couldn't get her out of his head. He had to drink more.

"My old boy," Babington rebuked, standing on shaky legs next to Sidney,  
"even with five more bottles, you won't get her out of here", he tapped his friend on the forehead.

Questioningly, Sidney looked at his friend who seemed to sway slightly and stood before him, somewhat distorted in a light fog.  
"Why?" he slurred.  
"Because," Babington moaned, as if he was talking to one of the simplest idiots he had ever met,  
"because my friend", he pecked Sidney in the chest with his alcohol-sticking finger and sighed "she's already in there.“

With eyes wide open, Sidney stared at the table in front of him until he had emptied the next bottle. And sank down onto the table from which he was now trying to get up.

His head was pumping, the workers outside were to loud. Even the innkeeper, who was standing behind the bar, talking quitly with a costumer in front of him, was to loud for his hurting head.

„Show some mercy“, Sidney roared „it is rudely early!“

Oh, he will never drunk again. He thought he would get sick. 

He put his face in his hands, which stank of alcohol and were sticky, it was too warm. His mouth was dry and there was a furry taste on his tongue. Oh, and all because of her. Because of her. This girl with her hair always open, blowing wildly in the wind around her beautiful face. Those pictures of her were popping up again. Oh, she was.... she was...

"Mr. Parker?" irritated he looked up.  
Of course, there she stood. On her face was serious concern. Her hands had clawed into the fabric of her dress. Charlotte tried to hold herself together, after his roaring, she shivered all over her body. But not out of fear or embarrassment. Another feeling crawled up her back. A warm feeling.

’Phew, you gotta be kidding me’, he thought and hung his head, made a suffocating sound.  
Why did she have to see him like that? Why was she here?

"Mr. Parker, are you all right?" she asked softly.  
Shyly she came one step closer. He shook his head desperately, she was not allowed to see him like that, not like this. Not her.  
"I...just...erm."

Disgusted of himself, he turned away. She let her eyes wander over him and now came so close that he could feel her warmth.  
It sent a shiver down his spine. Her cool hand lay down timidly on his cheek and forced him to look at her.  
He closed his eyes, like a little child that did not want to be seen.

"It's all right." she whispered and it seemed to him as if Charlotte was stroking him tenderly with her thumb across his cheek. That could not be real.  
„I don’t want you, see me like that.“  
„I know.“ she said quitly. He opened his eyes, and she smiled shyly.  
„I am sorry, that you,....you do this because of me.“ she turned her head to look around the bar.  
„I, don’t,... I just, I was with...“ he stuttered.

"It's all right, Mr. Parker," she assured him, "if I was able to drown my sorrow, I probably would have done all night, too." she grinned cheekily.  
"you're in sorrow?" he asked anxiously and now stood up. He staggered and Charlotte supported him.  
"well, not a sorrow, rather a few... thoughts that won't let me rest."

Although he knew where this conversation would lead to, he was not uncomfortable.  
Perhaps it was because of her kind nature that she rushed to his aid. Or the smell of her shiny hair, which today looked more like soft silk.  
Even so, that it did not whirl around her face, disturbed by the salty wind, he wanted to bury his hands in it. But that was not possible.  
They were to sticky from the whiskey.

Full of this thoughts, he pressed his face more into her hair and inhaled it. He moaned.  
"What is it?" she asked alarmed.  
"You always smell so good."  
"Oh," she seemed embarrassed for a moment before she giggled and said,  
"I can’t say the same about you."  
"ouch."  
"well, not at the moment. Otherwise, it is. Well, I mean, not that I smell at you,... that's would be too weird...but every time you walk past me, I get a little bit of you,...I erm... I mean of your scent, so...I mean the scent of your aftershave or whatever." she closed her eyes and mouth in embarrassment.  
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I... I don't babble. Usually."  
"No?" 

Sindney leaned into her more than was actually necessary, but he wanted to enjoy the few steps to the door to the fullest before they had to go their separate ways again. Oh, she was so small and so petite and yet so whole. So present. So absolutely stunning. What does it mean? He was shocked about his recognition, and her answer as well.

„No, usually not. Only when I am...with you.“

But before he could say anything, they had reached the door and he had to let her go. Several feet apart, they made their way to Trafalgar House. Charlotte helped him up the stairs and led him to his room. There he dropped onto the bed. After a while Charlotte brought him a glass to drink and he muttered a final apology.

„Forgive me.“  
"For what?" she asked in a breathless voice.  
"That I frightened you yesterday down at the cove."  
„You don’t“ she answered quitly. 

He looked at her, she was blushing deeply. It was a delight to see.  
She mumbled something, he couldn’t hear exactly. He was stunned. What? Had he heard right? He grabed her hand,  
„What did you say?“  
„I just.... I have to go.“ Charlotte stuttered and tried to get away from him.  
Theatrically he fell back on his bed.  
„Miss Heywood?“  
„Yes?“ she turned back to him, he whispered something, she couldn’t understand and get closer to him.  
„I love you.“  
„Oh, boy, You've drunk your brain!“ she cried.  
„No, I have never been so clear as I am at this moment.“

She starred at him in disbelive. He asked her again,  
„So I didn’t frighten you? Why not?“  
„I guess,“ she stepped away from the bed again, „I never...“  
„What?“ He died here of excitement, what would she say? 

„I never saw something more beautiful.“


	2. irritating conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charlotte have an irritating conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it is funny, hope you, too.

They were staring at each other.  
"W..hat?"  
"You heard me."  
"I can't believe it." he hiccuped.  
"Believe it or not...."  
She turned to leave. Sidney fought his way up and grabbed her.  
"Miss Heywood." Even when drunk, he still got her name right, he smiled silly.  
Charlotte had her back to him, it had been a mistake to tell him.  
"I erm...please..."  
"Please what?" she grumbles.  
"You think I'm beautiful?" he asked hessitantly. 

That was so amazing. No one had ever used that word to describe him before. The seriousness in his voice made her turn. His face suddenly seemed so young, despite the struble which was growing. His eyes begging, though tired and swollen. Reddened because of the alcohol. His hair stood out in all directions and Charlotte could not help but see in him an insecure boy. It was to sweet.

"You know what you look like." she whispered.

It was about time that Mr. Sidney Paker, rude and sometimes an unpleasant contemporary, blushed. He blushed at the words and shook his head. She nodded and grinned cheekily.

"Oh, yes, you do."  
"Well, yes. I know what I look like, but according to general beauty standards..."  
"I'm not going to be told what's beautiful."  
„Yes“, he chuckled „you have your own opinion on.... everything.“  
„It’s not only mine.“  
„But it’s the only one that matters.“  
Now she was blushing, her eyes blinking.  
„What do you say?“  
„I mean....“ a hiccup interuppted his speach...  
„sorry...but I was meaning to say, I am interes...inter.. interested“, he suppressed a burp  
„in your opi....opin...on.“

Charlotte shook her head at him and aproached him, pushed him in the matress and told him softly,  
„My opinion is, you have to sleep now.“  
„you...you're staying?“ he sounds like one of her little brothers.  
„No, Mr. Parker....that wouldn’t be proper.“  
"But you saw me... you saw me, everything of me, that wasn't proper either..." was he sulking?  
„It was an accident, and I am happy noone saw us...“ she blushed.  
„yes, yes of course... or else we'd have to...“ he seemed sober suddenly.  
„What?“  
„I guess if someone had saw us like that“, he looked deep in her eyes,  
„there would be a huge scandal.“  
„Yes“, she looked at her hands in front of her,  
„and I would be propably on a carriage to Willingden.“  
„Or in church.“  
„Praying for forgiveness?“ she smirked.  
"no, to..."  
"What?"  
"Marry me." he spoke tenderly and it sounded almost like a question.

Slightly shocked, her eyes widened, she berated herself for the stupid thought that he might have meant it seriously. She took a deep breath and nodded to him.  
"Yeah, sure...erm, I think you should sleep now."  
"and I think you should answer me first." his voice strong and deep.  
She looked at him with that certain look that made him feel cold and warm inside.  
What answer did he want to hear? Nervously, she sucked her lips in and then, in one sweeping movement...  
"Yes, I think you're beautiful." He grinned knowingly.  
"and that you know it."

"And I think you don't know." he replied with an stupid smile.  
"What do I not know?"  
"That you are beautiful."  
His gaze was so serious, it penetrated her to her very core. It made her tremble. Charlotte blushed, her eyes fluttering, and she looked irritated at her hands, then back at him.  
"I don't think that..."

"you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen..." He tried to make her laugh by teasing her  
"even though I look at myself in the mirror every day."  
"Oh you", she would have loved to throw something at him, but since she had nothing, she just shook her head and went to the door.  
"You're a vain snob."  
"And you a know-it-all goat."  
"I thought you were..., but you're... you're..." she couldn't find the words.  
"much more?" he asked amused.  
"irritating."  
"Just like you!"  
"Me irritating? Hardly."  
"Oh, yes, you are."  
"Why?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest. What a pity, he thought.

"You're not like all other women, so it's irritating." He got up.  
"Because I look like a new maid, but I'm not?"  
Oh, he knew she'd hold it against him.  
"Because you're a young woman, inexperienced, pure and naive." She looked hurt, but he spoke quickly as he came closer.  
"...yet read Greek philosophers, take an interest in architecture, stand up to Lady Denham and stand up for others."  
With her big eyes she stared at him.  
"At the ball you were right about my brothers and me." she seemed surprised to hear that from him.  
"But you were..."  
"Yes!" he rubbed his face. "You were suddenly there and you were part of this family and it irritated me and..."  
"and what?"  
"there's something about you that makes my heart beat faster, and I..."  
"Mr. Parker!" what did he say, she couldn't believe it.  
"When you were standing there, on the cove. I saw you."  
"Yeah?"  
"and I wanted... I wanted..."  
"What did you want?" her voice was shaking.  
"I wanted you to see me."  
"You did it on purpose?" Anger went into each of her pores and her eyebrows contracted.  
"No, not like that..." he shook his head and tried to reach for her.  
"Then what?" She didn't understand him anymore.  
"I wanted you to see me. Me. Not the snob. The businessman. You should see me, the broken brother. The black sheep of the family. The guy with the broken heart. The unloved boy."

Her heart contracted painfully. He averted his gaze and he looked so vulnerable that she couldn't help but touch his face with one hand and caress him. He looked at her, tears glistening in his eyes. Charlotte smiled encouragingly at him and nodded.  
"All right. I see you."  
"Yes?"  
"Yes. But most of all, I want to see sober Sidney." He exhaled with a giggle.  
She reached for the door and opened it, she hadn't even noticed that it had been closed, she looked up to him,  
"And you are not unloved." 

His heart made a leap. Charlotte disappeared so fast that Sidney couldn't say anything back. 

Of course he couldn't sleep and after he had washed and shaved he went downstairs to get something to eat. Afterwards, he met her with the others in Tom's study. The children, Mary, his siblings and her stood around the model and listened to Tom's latest ideas. He crept up behind Charlotte and blew on her neck. She gasped for breath. Tom believed she was doing it because of what he had said and went on.

"Yes, I know it's a lot of money... I haven't get an answeer from the investors yet."

"I haven't also gotten an answer yet." Sidney whispered in Charlotte's ear.  
"What question?" She looked at him over her shoulder with big eyes and he smiled. Devilish.

„You know excatly what question.“


	3. Ask it again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ask it again." she smirked.  
> "Not here."
> 
> He then continued to walk around the table and looked at her over the model. She shook her head, but smiled to herself. Sidney wondered what she would say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you once again for your support kudos, comments and for reading.  
> Hope you enjoy

"Ask it again." she smirked.  
"Not here."

He then continued to walk around the table and looked at her over the model. She shook her head, but smiled to herself. Sidney wondered what she would say.

For the rest of the day Sidney tried to avoid Charlotte, not to push her. Although he feared that she might have taken his question as a joke, he wanted to hear her answer.  
And it seemed they couldn't really avoid each other. For he ran into her when he stormed out of the room at Georgiana's.  
"Miss Heywood."  
"Yes?"  
He grinned broadly. "Say it again."  
She understood his teasing, but still turned red, ducked her head and disappeared into Georgiana's room.

In the afternoon Charlotte walked barefoot through the dunes in search of a secret place. She did the same at home, when she wanted to think. She had already taken off her shoes and stockings and walked through the warm sand. It tickled between her toes, soft yet firm under her feet. Now and then a shell had gotten caught in the seagrass. She bent down and picked it up. It went on in the direction the dunes were becoming denser. She had also taken a book with her, even though she thought she couldn't get to read it. 

A cheeky seagull flew a few times close above her head as if she wanted to annoy her on purpose, or maybe she just thought Charlotte had food. At first Charlotte laughed but after the third time she ran to escape the gull. She stared up at the sky and looked only briefly ahead. She saw the dune turn into a small valley right in front of her and she ran to be safe from the gull. Looking up again, she did not see what was in front of her.

Boom.

"Ouch!"  
"Damn it!"  
A voice that she knew reached her ear. She was lying down on something hard, or rather someone and her face in the sand. She shot up. And tried to use her hand to clear the sand from her face.  
"Let me help you." A big warm hand came closer to her face and a few delicate fingers carefully brushed the sand out of her eyes. Now she could see again and stared incredulously at Sidney Parker's face.  
"Oh."  
"What are you doing here?" he asked with an amused shake of his head.  
"I ran away."  
"From whom?" immediately in protective mode Sidney tried to get up even though Charlotte was still halfway up.  
"From a gull." She blushed and lowered her eyes. It was only then that she realised she was on his legs and slipped away from him.  
"Oh, yes, they're cheeky..." Sidney laughed briefly and looked over at her in relief. His eyes wandered to her. Charlotte pulled her knees towards her and wrapped her arms around them. He watched her dig her feet into the sand and tried to free her mouth from the sand with one hand. He leaned over to her and stroked her mouth very tenderly with his thumb. She sucked in the air in surprise and Sidney froze in his movement.

"Forgive me," he said, but he couldn't take his hand away, it felt so right. Charlotte was having real trouble breathing and suddenly she had to cough. She turned away from him, it was just too embarrassing.  
"Here." Sidney held a bottle out to her.  
"What's that?"  
"Whiskey."  
"Mr. Parker!"  
"Just a hit... for the sand."  
Charlotte looked at him, took the bottle from him, careful not to touch him. And drank a tiny shot. The sharp liquid made her cough again and tears began to run down her cheeks.  
"Careful, my girl."  
Surprised she looked at him and narrowed her eyes to slit.  
"Excuse me?" Her eyebrows almost touched her hairline.  
"Well, not so fast..."  
"That's not what I mean."  
"...I erm..." He looked at her without understanding.  
"My girl?"  
Startled, he looked into her eyes and then lowered his gaze to his hands.  
"That just slipped out."  
"I'm not a girl."  
"Believe me, I know that." Did he blush under her piercing gaze?  
"Why you call me...?" her voice sounded more breathless than she was.  
"In my head, I call you that."  
"Since when?"  
He made no reply. 

"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked instead.  
"I was looking for my secret place."  
"Secret place?" There was a note in his voice that she couldn't make out.  
"Well, if I want to be alone..."  
"Oh, you want to be alone?" he asked and a disappointed expression ran across his face and it looked as if he wanted to get up.  
"Not now." she muttered into the fabric of her dress and put her head down on her knees. At that moment, she looked like a young girl. With her red cheeks and big eyes. Sidney took a deep breath, then she reminds him of their future children.  
"I... erm... this is my secret place."  
"Oh." what was she gonna do now? Better go, but she wanted so much to stay. She raised her head and looked around. Before she could leave, she had to pick up her shoes and stockings that were behind him because of her fall. His gaze followed hers and then he suddenly looked at her again.  
"we can share it if you like."  
"I'd like that very much," she said in a low voice and Sidneys heart did a somersault.  
To take the edge off, she pointed to the bottle he had left beside him.

"Would you like some more?" he asked in surprise, but Charlotte shook her head.  
"No, I mean hadn't we agreed that you would sober up?" He laughed briefly and Charlotte had to admit that it was the most beautiful sound for her, she wanted to hear more of it.  
"Yes, and since you didn't answer me, I decided against it." She made big eyes, but the grin on his face showed that he was just teasing her.  
"No, I guess I'd...forgotten about that." He cleared his throat.  
"When?" she had a strange feeling in her stomach.  
"Well, the last time I was here..." he pulled a face.  
"when was that?"  
"why?" 

"I just want to know what kind of old stuff I drank." She smiled.  
"it was after the ball."  
"Oh, yeah?" her heart suddenly pounded wildly in her chest and violently thumped her ribs.  
"I was angry with..."  
"me." she interrupted him and she stared at her feet.  
"No, yes a little bit, but mostly with me."  
"Why?"  
"Because I was so brutal to you."  
"Yeah?" it was just a whiff.  
"I'm sorry."  
"me too." their eyes got stuck together and a while later neither of them could have said what had been said.

"I was afraid I scared you yesterday."  
"You didn't," she said quickly. Sidney smiled his beautiful crooked smile and Charlotte had to hold back not to sigh.  
"and this morning?" embarrassed, he looked at his feet, which he had slowly pushed closer and closer to hers. "I didn't mean to..."  
"You didn't" she reassured him. "I know that ... that it was just a joke."  
At the end of her sentence she pulled up the last word, so it almost sounded like a question.  
"It wasn't."  
Charlotte now buried her face in her knees and refused to look at him.  
"What do you say?" He touched her cheek very lightly. She raised her head and her eyes said so much that neither she nor he could put into words.  
He moved closer until his chin was on her knee and as if this sensation wasn't enough, he just smelled so good as Charlotte felt her weakness.  
"I meant everything I said." Sidney kept his eyes closed and instead of giving him any answer. Anything. She just leaned forward again and gently touched his lips with hers.  
He could hardly believe what was happening and looked again briefly to see if he was dreaming or whether Miss Heywood had really just kissed him.

"You have not given me an answer." he stressed seriously in a low voice.  
"yes."  
"Was that the answer?"  
"What do you think?" she teased him, but he wanted to be sure.  
"Say it right." He moved closer.  
"Or else?"  
"Or I won't kiss you."  
"You mean I want you to kiss me?"  
"Yes."

With big eyes she stared at him, laughing and letting out a sigh.  
"All right."  
He was waiting for more.  
"I admit that I want to be kissed by you." she closed her eyes.  
His mouth was already hovering right in front of hers and he grinned that impudent grin.  
"And I admit, I want to marry you."  
"Well then." and Charlotte pushed towards him and her lips touched very gently, she finally didn't know what she was doing.  
"Well, then." And then he showed her that what she was doing was perfectly fine.

**Author's Note:**

> ....my thoughts exactly, Miss Heywood.....my thoughts exactly!


End file.
